Today I spent some time reading through my mother's medical records. I had asked my dad for them last fall, fresh from our trip out West, fresh for talking with family about it, wanting answers. And then school started, birthdays and holidays happened, and although I read through them quickly, I never looked closely.
Today, after opening the conversation with her side of the family, I spent some time pouring over everything, researching terms and medications, and putting pieces together that hadn't made sense until today.
And I feel oddly peaceful now. I've always thought I was so much like her, but not in this way. She didn't want information of this sort, didn't like the details about what was going on. I am the opposite. I like to break things down, understand, as best I can, what's happening so that I can process the information. Knowledge is power to me, and in that power, I find peace.