Week 20, Paint!
I really thought week 20 would come and go without a project. It was a CRAZY week. Helena started school, had her big dance recital, had a bad heat rash. Then Sunday, everything opened up...magically.
We had to go to the store, and I FINALLY bought finger paints. I've been wanting to finger paint with Helena for awhile now, and just hadn't gotten around to getting the paints. She's really into drawing and painting, has a knack for this kind of art that escapes me, which is fine. We had SO Much FUN! And it was a soothing end on a rainy day to a crazy week.
Week 21, Engage
I have been reading this book, The Power of Self-Coaching, by Joseph Luciani. This is a really amazing book that is giving me tools to unblock some really stuck areas in my life.
One of patterns I have identified through reading this book is that when overwhelmed, I tend to pull way inwared, in an attempt to feel better, or less overwhelmed.
This hasn't not been very effective for me. I end up feeling more overwhelmed and behind in the long run, and more isolated.
So last week, starting Tuesday,I made a choice to engage. I woke too early that day after a broken and restless night's sleep, with a time sensitive to do list a mile long. I made a choice to move through that day with as much grace as possible, and to make eye contact and smile at everyone I encountered.
I also made my choice to start my day with a run (which ended up being a walk), deciding to care for myself despite the intensity of my schedule. I smiled at and greeted everyone I passed, and had this sweet little interaction with a woman walking along side me for a moment that went something like this:
Me: "What a beautiful morning!"
Woman: "yes! I'm so glad I decided to start my day in this way."
Me: "Me too...I almost told myself I didn't have time."
Woman: "So did I, and it's only a 40 minute loop, and what a way to start the day."
My day progressed in much the same way. What an amazing difference it was for me to feel tired and raw, and still stay open and receptive.
Later the in week I spoke with two people, one I was very slightly acquainted with, the other I had just met. Both poured their hearts out to me in very personal ways about some fairly intense, even tragic things. I used to wonder why people do this, talk to an almost stranger about something very personal.
I get it now. Get the need to just be heard, and sometimes it's better when it's someone who has no agenda for you, even a loving and helpful one. Sometimes we just need to speak our truths, pains, heartaches, and simply be witnessed and heard, not soothed, not fixed, just heard.
This is quite a new adventure for me...to continue to show up whether I'm at my best or not. That was an interesting thing to discover, actually, that I tend to withdraw when I'm not feeling at my best, rather than show up as I am. Time for more growing up, I think, and much less perfectionism.