Monday, October 12, 2009

What Does it Take to Unfold?

This is something I've been mulling over a lot of late.

For along time I "knew" I was more afraid of failure than success. I inwardly scoffed at the suggestions that I might really have a fear of success. Now, I KNOW otherwise.

I certainly do not like to fail. But the fear of success, of a bigger life, overwhelms me. Especially in recent years, since trying to balance the responsibilities of motherhood with work, household, marriage, friendships, I often feel stretched and inadequate. And I have told myself that I can't take on anymore, be anymore, do, anymore. Now, I'm not so sure.

In my search for balance, I often bump up against the question of is it really the situation (that is overwhelming, too much), or is it my own thinking, my own beliefs, especially in my own inadequacy, that overwhelm me? At this point, I think that it's the later.

This weekend I attended a Feng Shui refresher course, and, as usual, the experience blew the lid off of a lot of my conditioned thinking. I am so utterly grateful for having this come into my life. I love the practice of Feng Shui, the balance of intellect and intuition that it requires. And I always get so much more than just the course work from it, phew!

I'm not sure what the next steps are, except that it's time to move forward. I think the ride's about to get wilder!

One of my favorite writings of all time pops into my head just now. Many, many people are familiar with this inspiring piece, but it's worth re-reading. I'll leave you with it now.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson, from A Return to Love