Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Autumn in Upstate

I have definitely had the feeling that Autumn has been passing quickly this year. My head has been down, packing boxes, pushing paper, getting ready to move and I have been fighting a persistant cold for several weeks (and honestly, not resting enough).

But Sunday, when I went out to dump compost, the brillance of that autumn day struck me enough that I dashed back in for my camera. Here are a few moments of autumn in our yard.

Leaves on Helena's Playhouse

The Geese are Leaving...a sure sign that winter is coming.

O Our very old barn.....not so much autumn here, but I love the look of it. After almost 7 years here, I sometimes forget that these cool, old, decrepit buildings we see everywhere were novel once.

Maple leaves that Helena collected and set on our bench.

The leaves that stuck to my shoes when I came back inside.
May you bask in the glory of autumn, wherever you are.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Ithcing to be settled

in our new home.

We finally, after some delays, have a closing date, this Wednesday, phew! Patrick is back in town, we're partially packed, partially painted (THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to current owner Sandy, for giving us early access!), and things are moving along.

It's autumn, and has been a mixture of chilly pre-winter and indian summer. I'm really ready to hunker down for the cooler season, can't wait to dive into some craft projects, and, of course, cool weather cooking.

I have been pondering the fact that I really am a goal, as in, getting there already, okay!, kind of person. So for the next few weeks, I'm going to focus on the journey as much as possible. I find the disassembly of my home and to an extent, my life, tedious, at best, and mentally disorganizing, as in, totally loosing focus, what the heck was a trying to pack and how did I end up in this room when I was working in that one, at worst.

So here's me, working at being zen in process of changing and resettling...Ooohhhhhmmmm!

Monday, October 12, 2009

What Does it Take to Unfold?

This is something I've been mulling over a lot of late.

For along time I "knew" I was more afraid of failure than success. I inwardly scoffed at the suggestions that I might really have a fear of success. Now, I KNOW otherwise.

I certainly do not like to fail. But the fear of success, of a bigger life, overwhelms me. Especially in recent years, since trying to balance the responsibilities of motherhood with work, household, marriage, friendships, I often feel stretched and inadequate. And I have told myself that I can't take on anymore, be anymore, do, anymore. Now, I'm not so sure.

In my search for balance, I often bump up against the question of is it really the situation (that is overwhelming, too much), or is it my own thinking, my own beliefs, especially in my own inadequacy, that overwhelm me? At this point, I think that it's the later.

This weekend I attended a Feng Shui refresher course, and, as usual, the experience blew the lid off of a lot of my conditioned thinking. I am so utterly grateful for having this come into my life. I love the practice of Feng Shui, the balance of intellect and intuition that it requires. And I always get so much more than just the course work from it, phew!

I'm not sure what the next steps are, except that it's time to move forward. I think the ride's about to get wilder!

One of my favorite writings of all time pops into my head just now. Many, many people are familiar with this inspiring piece, but it's worth re-reading. I'll leave you with it now.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson, from A Return to Love

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A month ago

Since I last posted. I think that's the longest I've gone since starting this blog.

September was so hectic, exciting, exhausting, stressful, exhilirating. I'm hoping for a calmer October. I doubt it.

Our annivesary, Helena's birhday, ears pierced for our big 5 year old (I wished we'd waited, she's THRILLED with them!). We're moving. Found our little house, should be closing in 2 weeks, moving in 3. Time to pack, sort, clean, disassemble, reassemble. I find myself dreaming of dreary winter days indoors, books, craft projects, staying HOME. I hope the new house will feel like home quickly. I'm ready to settle in.

We will be the second owners of this home, built in 1949 on land that was a wedding gift. It's a smallish (1400sq ft), simple, sweet, home. It feels odd, yet oddly comfortable. I think with a few things to make it us, I will really love it. A family started there, lived theirs lives, children moved on, and ultimately a parent died in this home. It carries the history of generation. I wonder what it will hold for us.

I'm very sensitive to the energy of spaces, more so since practicing Feng Shui. This home feels so solid, grounded. I think it's what I need right now.

I'll post some photos soon. I had the opportunity to walk through again with our agent, take measurements, get ready to do a Feng Shui layout. The floorplan is quite different from any home I've lived in before. I'm still trying to imagine how we'll use the space's exciting!